This is Thomas Edward Patrick Brady.
In 2017, he quarterbacked the New England Patriots to the franchise's 5th Super Bowl victory.
Because no other player at his position has ever accomplished this feat, sports journos and football prognosticators — both professionals and amateurs alike — have declared that Tom Brady is the greatest of all time (or, in internet-speak, the G.O.A.T.).
Lost, however, in the breathless adoration (and the backlash to it) has been any input from the demographic most affected by the comparison. Real, actual, living goats.
So we asked them what they thought of Tom Brady. And their answers might surprise, even, SHOCK, you.
1. "Four Super Bowl MVP awards, eh? That's one for each of my stomachs."
2. "I love it when Brady headbutts teammates after a big play. I try to do the same here on the farm."
3. "Does he have teeth on his upper jaw? Because we don't."
4. "Brady's deep ball was ~better~ this season, but can he pick a blueberry bush clean in 8 minutes or less?"
5. "He's good, but the honest truth is that the other teams in the AFC East are just a bunch of tomato cans."
6. "His touchdown-to-interception ratio (28-2) was impressive but I doubt he climbs trees as fast as my herd does."
7. "Remember when Peyton Manning hosted Saturday Night Live? Yeah, me neither."
8. "Did you know that mountain goats can jump 12 feet in a single bound? There's just no way Brady can say the same."
9. "Don't get me wrong: Joe Montana was THE MAN in the '80s. But the 49ers never had to deal with free agency, so I'm gonna give Brady and the Pats the edge."
10. "Wait, he was a wolverine in college? We're gonna keep our distance, thanks."
Like the choice between Coke and Pepsi, the debate over Brady's place in the game's history will rage on. Share your feelings in the comments below!