I tricked the editor here at Cuteness into thinking I'm an animal scientist. So, uh, please enjoy these sciencey facts that I totally did not just make up about dogs.
1. The cuter the dog, the lower the IQ.
2. Fun fact: Corgi puppies have so many farts that sometimes they float!
3. Black Labs lack the chromosomes needed to chill the fuck out.
- this one is true.
4. Pomeranians are born with the unique ability to be 98 percent more dapper than other dogs.
Sorry other dogs!
5. Sea pups emerge from eggs laid by their mothers, scramble off to the sea, never to be seen again.
Don't leave us, Sea Pup!
6. Chihuahuas in football jerseys are 78 percent more likely to develop a gambling problem.
Hide your wallets!
7. Puppaccino addiction is rampant in little fluff dogs.
8. Huskies are no good at math. Look at this cute Husky pup trying to solve an easy math problem.
9. Samoyeds have an annoying tendency to laugh at jokes even when they don't get them.
(See No.1 again)
10. Despite their sunny, cheerful facade, Golden Retrievers are prone to existential dread.
11. They say they only drink wine with dinner, but that blank stare hints at a deeper problem with alcohol, according to my research ...
... which was googling "dogs with wine" while I was drinking a nice merlot and giggling.
12. Science will tell you that 100 percent of dogs with Snapchat post annoying selfies.
13. Even though dogs are bred to hunt ducks, ducks are super scary according to 89 percent of dogs.
14. Tickling can break your puppy. (Hover to watch the tickling aftermath.)
Sure it's fun, but will someone think of the puppies?!