Cats: So graceful! So elegant! So composed!
And then there's Curious Zelda, a hyper-attentive tuxedo kitto with pupils LOCKED to the astonished emoji setting.
Plucked from a London shelter in 2014, the permanently-spooked shorthair has become an unlikely star on Twitter, where her doting human, Matt Taghioff, captions a steady stream of LOL-inducing photos with Haiku-like poems, witty cat-isms, and a bevy of puns that I'll be bookmarking for future use.
His creative wordsmithing has won Zelda an army of devoted followers — 44,000+ at last refresh — and, more recently, a spot on the microblogging platform's coveted Moments tab.
Embedded below then for your scrolling pleasure: A sampling of Zelda's very best tweets!
"Always leave your Zelda in the folded position."
"Let's get this party STARTLED"
"Please call Customer Care if your Zelda is stuck in barricade mode."
"Red Bull gives you strings."
"Just joined Plenty Of Fish. Not what I expected."
"Thanks to advances in techmeowlogy, I am now a hovercraft."
"Scratch the sofa / Claw the bed / Tear the curtain / Still get fed"
"Suddenly I feel very shelf conscious."
"Always keep a safe distance when using your Zelda in turbo mode."
"Shoelaces = Chewlaces"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES. SOMETHING ORDINARY IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN."
"Humans going out to drink / Time to party in the sink"
"I regret eating self-raising flour."
"If your Zelda tips over, remember to switch on the hazard lights."
"BREAKING NEWS I forgot how to cat"
"Say what you like but I just don't trust inanimate objects."
"Things I seen. Can't be unseen."
"I didn't choose the rug life. The rug life chose me."
Is your kitteh a zoomer that's set to the CAP LOCK position at all times? Tell us about it in the comment section below!