16 Reasons Salem From "Sabrina, The Teenage Witch" Ruled

Kit Steinkellner

If we had to pick a favorite feline familiar, it would hands down be Salem the Cat from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Though the wisecracking black cat first appeared in Archie Comics in 1962 (and is currently enjoying an awesome revival along with the rest of the Sabrina gang in the new Archie Horror comic The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch), our favorite version of Salem Saberhagen is always going to be the animatronic puppet version that appeared in the 90s TV version (Ah, TGIF, we miss ya, girl).

As follows, all the reasons we were obsessed with this equal-parts megalomaniac and total sweetheart of a 500-year-old-warlock-trapped-inside-the-body-of-a-cat.

1. He had the best pizza order.

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2. And he was totally real about his emotional snacking.

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3. The man-cat knew just how to dish out a compliment.

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4. And his threats were none too shabby neither.

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5. You had to hand it to him, the cat could wear a suit.

Credit: ABC

6. Also, chainz and shadez.

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7. ALSO ALL THE COSTUMEZ.

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Credit: ABC

Credit: ABC

8. In a single breath he straight-up nailed the difference between cats and dogs.

Credit: ABC

9. He was about as hilariously grumpy as you’d expect a 500-year-old man trapped inside the body of a cat to be.

Credit: ABC

10. Man could that cat deliver a one-liner.

Credit: ABC

11. For as judgy as he was, Salem was also a total basic beeyatch, and we loved him for it.

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12. And for as smug and superior as the dude was, he was also a regular little goober.

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13. He never let a lack of opposable thumbs keep him from having ALL the delusions of grandeur.

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14.  And he never, ever apologized for his cattish ways.

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15. Still, he never forgot where he came from. 

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16. And he never let YOU forget exactly where you stood with him.

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Oh man, we really miss our weekly dose of Salem. Can it be the 90s again?