Here's How A Romantic Breakup Could Affect Your Pet (& What You Can Do To Help)
When romantic partners split up, the tasks that need immediate attention can seem endless: finding a new home, divvying up joint possessions, booking movers, changing children's schools, hooking up utilities, setting up mail forwarding — on and on. Amidst all this chaos and heartbreak, beloved pets sometimes get overlooked. They're hurting, too, even if they don't have the language to express it.
For advice about how to handle pets during this tumultuous time, Cuteness turned to Russell Hartstein, who is a Certified Dog Behavior Consultant and the owner of Fun Paw Care Dog Training in Los Angeles. In this exclusive interview, Hartstein shares insights about how breakups affect pets and explains what the owners of dogs and cats can do to ease the transition for their animals.
Hartstein describes a breakup as a traumatic event. "When parents separate, it is as stressful, emotional, and meaningful for pets as it is for human children," he says. "There could be a multitude of behaviors and feelings involved when parents separate. The most common are stress, sadness, and/or depression." He lists some of the common behavior changes that a pet owner should watch for: "low energy, moping around, not wanting to do anything, sleeping more often, not eating, [and] acting out of character."
How exes can help their pet through the transition
"If you're planning on separating from your partner, please be considerate of your pets and perhaps work out an agreement where you both can see them and care for them on different days/times," Russell Hartstein tells Cuteness. "This would be very helpful not only for each parent to have a break, but also for the pet to be involved in both people's lives."
Sharing custody of a pet — similar to how parents work out custody arrangements for their children — can often be beneficial for everyone involved. But if sharing a pet simply isn't feasible, Hartstein says, then "the parent who ends up caring for the pets should provide a lot more comfort, reassurance, love, support, and attention during the initial breakup and for several weeks or months thereafter." It's important to comfort a dog or cat after one of its owners moves to a new home. You risk breaking a cat's heart by ignoring it, just like you risk breaking a dog's heart by leaving it home alone too much.
All of Hartstein's advice so far assumes that both members of the formerly romantic couple have a loving relationship with the dog or cat. "Obviously, if a pet is neglected or abused by one of the parents, the pet can actually thrive after the neglectful parent leaves," he points out. "So, if your partner is abusive to your pet, leave the relationship and do not try to work out visiting or care arrangements."