Parties are hard, man.
1. You gotta psych yourself out.
"You can do this. You are a totally normal person who can have normal conversations with other people."
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2. Pick out a good dress with pockets so your hands have something to do.
"Is it too late to cancel?"
4. Bring a gift.
5. Mingle like a normal person.
6. Locate the booze.
Water from a martini glass is v. classy.
7. Have some totally not-weird conversations.
8. Find this guy.
9. Act pretty cool.
Or at least natural.
10. Listen to people's boring stories.
"No, please go on. I find your tale absolutely enthralling."
11. And their opinions on current affairs.
"Ya, I'll totally check that out."
12. Tell people all about your favorite movies/tv shows/books.
You can tell they're totally interested.
13. Definitely talk about your obsession with true crime documentaries and podcasts.
14. Eat pizza.
15. Drink all the free wine you can.
16. Have a few more normal people interactions.
17. Sneak out without saying goodbye to anyone.
18. Go home and make a snack.
19. Stay awake all night replaying every single conversation.
20. Weeks go by before you're invited to another party.
21. But after thinking it over ...
22. ... you decide to just stay home and read.