It’s basically built into the crazy cat lady (or gentleman) stereotype that such people are perpetually, erm, romantically unattached. But what if they (we) are really on to something? Here are ten reasons why cats might actually be superior to significant others. 1 - They will never buy you a present you hate.
No clothing that’s too big! No books you’ll never read! No cologne that smells creepily like your mom! … Okay, no anything, really. (Unless you’ve got a cat like mine, who occasionally brings you half-stunned baby bats.) On the flip side, you’ll never have to wonder whether or not they’re faking their joy over a present you got them. Catnip mice = permanent win.
2 - Their personal hygiene will always be impeccable.
So. Much. Grooming.
3 - They don’t care what you wear.
Pantsless all day? Excellent. Your cat is sort of naked all the time anyway, so he sure doesn’t mind.
4 - They don’t mind eating the same thing for dinner every night.
Unlike your S.O., who may eventually want to break out of that mac-and-cheese and takeout lo mein routine, your cat thinks you’re Emeril Lagasse just for opening the can of Smelly Salmon Snack.
5 - They are excellent listeners.
Okay, so they might start licking their butts in the middle of your rant about Sue Ellen from work, but they’re definitely still listening. No, really. You were talking about how she always hits Reply All on group emails. Go on, please!
6 - They won’t argue with you over chores.
Cats work hard to make sure every surface in the house is completely covered in their hair. When you vacuum, they just have to start all over again. Also, the vacuum cleaner is obviously a dangerous hellbeast. Please don’t ever vacuum again.
7 - They will never complain if you want to stay in at night.
Netflix and chill? ABSOLUTELY. Just make sure your lap is free, and don’t plan to move for at least an hour.
8 - Or if you want to go out.
They’ll be right here, waiting for you to come home.
9 - No stubble.
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Seriously, can we just all acknowledge that shaving was a terrible idea and go back to being happily hairy humanoids? I bet our cats would support this decision.
10 - You’ll always be their person.
It doesn’t matter what you do, how much money you make, what you weigh, who your friends are, or whether or not you’ve accomplished your goals in life. Your cat is your cat, and you are their person, and you will live more or less happily ever after.